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and keep smiling by `cryptorchid:iconcryptorchid:

Categories Scraps




i composed a score for a finale that was never played
melodies lost to static screen
my mouth like pennies
none for your thoughts
your lips like salt
none for my tears
he says everything looks better in the morning
but he's never seen with my eyes
so dilated
you tell me you would have never known
you've never seen my artifice
so pure
my smile like wool
all for your gaze
i'll pin my heart to your sleeve
so you can see where it lies
sometimes
this is all there is
©2004-2009 `cryptorchid
:iconcryptorchid:

Author's Comments

i have to travel a lot, and since i don't drive, or you know, have a car, i have a lot of time on buses to sleep or think...
or write poems on my hands with a sharpie.
i like sharpies.
yes, the little girl in the preview is me. was me.
compartmentalize.. keep smiling...

Comments


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:iconalphaosiris:
`alphaosiris Mar 23, 2004, 10:02:51 PM
wonderful wordplay in this. the only thing i'd change, in my personal tastes, is perhaps restructure the poem, to have a more consistant syllable/line count.

ugh. i have to get out of this creative writing class. it makes me think too much about poem structure.

nice job julia :]

--
Behold, the light that travels into space.
:iconsfmoe:
=sfmoe Mar 23, 2004, 10:29:35 PM
oH my i love it ... sharpies rule, if i was around id give you rides and you could write on my windows and arm!! :D lovely pictures as well .. yours or of you?

--
"The truth is permanent, and everything else falls by the wayside."
-Dave Chappelle
:iconwhatasnicket:
~Whatasnicket Mar 24, 2004, 12:05:53 AM
Lovely flow to it. Fantastic job...

--
"If we, citizens, do not support our artist, then we sacrafice our imagination on the alter of crued reality and we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams." --Yann Martel
:icondenymyself:
~denymyself Mar 24, 2004, 12:13:45 AM
lol yeah sharpies can be fun. so i wonder tho why dont you drive? or have a car? such a beautifully complex simplicity. you are an amazing woman julia and i hope you realize that. such a beautiful girl, both you and the girl in the picture. take care of yourself and its good to see your work and i applaude you for submitting deviations even when you are so busy. i havent submitted much in a while just because i am always busy. nothing but a few sappy love poems lol sorry im a romantic at heart so i write about romantic things alot.anyway. i love this piece it is very expressive. it keeps your mind moving. :hug: :rose: :kiss: :blush: take care of yourself and let us know if you need anything at all.
:iconangel007:
~angel007 Mar 24, 2004, 1:04:00 AM
absoultey beautiful. a deffinate favourtie!

--
[[ANGEL007]]
PUNK IS NOT DEAD!
Visit this phyco community claustrophobic [link]
:iconlucis:
~Lucis Mar 24, 2004, 1:25:19 AM
my mouth like pennies
none for your thoughts

I love that line the best. :) This flows very nicely, it has a rhythm to it.
:iconalooper21:
~alooper21 Mar 24, 2004, 1:49:09 AM
i like the part with the salt, and the general feeling...

--
Humans don't want to feel. They want to understand.

*AngstyWriters
~SporeClub
My absolute fav is this: [link].
:icontaffyapple:
~taffyapple Mar 24, 2004, 2:18:31 AM
I love the way this flows, like thoughts poured into words.

I particularly like :

my mouth like pennies
none for your thoughts
your lips like salt
none for my tears

--
In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
:iconlunaaa:
~Lunaaa Mar 24, 2004, 2:35:52 AM
she is like a porcelaine doll...
beautiful..
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March 23, 2004
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