i don't know what i am but i'm afraid of what i could be
proposal: Ive been slowly exploring my personal history through my projects for some time. I had intended to present a visual documentation of thoughts and experience, but I realized that it demanded context. I had rough sketches of a different piece, an examination of my family, I had been adding to for three years. I felt it was time to complete that project. Like anyone, my upbringing had a huge impact on my development as an individual apart from my relatives. As the youngest of three girls but with a unique childhood experience, Ive found myself as unlikely matriarch after placing both my mother and grandmother in nursing homes as their power of attorney. Ive become the holder of documents and the keeper of secrets. Over the years Ive felt the burden of my position begin to weigh on me, and the fear of what I could become start to chip away at me. We All Fall From Trees is the story of my grandfather, mother and myself. All of us deeply flawed and afflicted with mental illness; the words and images express our history and ultimately my fear of becoming more of them and less of myself. Using images culled from the refuse of my former home, re-photographed documents and my own photographs, Ive created a visual chronology of these branches of my family tree. Ive known this history, Ive been a part of it, and Ive been responsible for keeping it a secret. These are no longer events I wish to gloss over, or experiences I want to compartmentalize. The title of the series suggests the knowledge that while mine is not the only story of family, abnormal or otherwise, that the book itself if my way of coming to terms with this history.
statement: Rot or decay is the decomposition, breakdown, and destruction of matter. It is a continuing process. As long as a tree is growing vigorously, rot will be confined to a small central core. This is called compartmentalization.
I also have the same fear of not knowing what I am, the potential of what I might become. My family sufffers a history of mental illness as well. My grandmother, my father, and now my myself. I didn't know my grandmother, seeing as she died when I was two. But I have had to live with my father. Not only is he mentally unstable, he is also physically sick. And from what I've heard of my grandmother, she wasn't a very great lady- I suppose losing most of your family to the Holocaust will do that to you though.
My greatest is fear, is ending up in those dark places they have inhabited, because what has been wrong with them, is now ingrained in me.
This set has really moved me, more than you could know. So thank you so much for making it. This means a lot to those of us who don't have the courage to face what scares them most.
-- "and if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know."--kansas. Jill St. Onge don't let this story die, please help. rip, cousin Jill.
provoking thought. people really respond to personal matters huh? I hope your fear gets dispelled and the rot gets cleared away, allowing new, full life <3 well done!
I think in being so conscious of it, we do our best to keep ourselves in check... there are things we can't control, depression, anxiety, but we stop ourselves from becoming cruel and abusive. This is the crucial difference, in that way, we cannot be them. This truth is something my psychiatrist has worked hard to ingrain in me. Irrationality aside, there is always fear, but we live with it, and can outweigh it with hope. thank you so much for your thoughtful comment
A collection of the most beautiful and amazing square photographs I found among my favourites. Please have a look and give these artists the attention they deserve!
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My greatest is fear, is ending up in those dark places they have inhabited, because what has been wrong with them, is now ingrained in me.
This set has really moved me, more than you could know. So thank you so much for making it. This means a lot to those of us who don't have the courage to face what scares them most.
--
"and if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know."--kansas.
Jill St. Onge don't let this story die, please help. rip, cousin Jill.
--
Apart from Him, naught. C:
This truth is something my psychiatrist has worked hard to ingrain in me. Irrationality aside, there is always fear, but we live with it, and can outweigh it with hope.
thank you so much for your thoughtful comment
--
I tell you such fine music awaits in the shadows of the fires of hell. -Charles Bukowski
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